Oh Dear.

I can't stop thinking about you. It's only been a couple of hours, but here I am lying in bed, thinking about you. I've tried to read TWO different books, play on facebook, and go to sleep. But no, it's only you I can think about.

I think we might have a problem. It's too soon. I can't say that yet.

I am realizing how insular I can be. It's really easy to be. I live with four other people, and as much of an extrovert that I can be, I need my space. So I get most of my other people time right here in my house. Sometimes too much. So by the time I should be calling friends, talking to other people, even my mom, I'm done.

And speaking of done, i want to go on the record that i am officially done with winter. this always happens around this time of year for me. i hate february; and in cincinnati, winter isn't really done until sometime in march. which is also dreary and wet.

i'm tired of being cold. i live in an old house and we set the thermostat to 65, so i spend the winter in sweaters, socks, another pair of socks, and a blanket. add to that the fact that i am now working from home as a graduate student, and i'm cold all the time.

i think being a vegetarian might also have something to do with it. an old friend of mine told me after going back to eating meat that she's never cold in the winter anymore. maybe it has something to do with the meat staying in your body longer, or more iron or something. then again, it might have nothing to do with being warm at all.

tomorrow is wednesday. this means that it's practicum day for gideon. this being my second quarter of graduate school for special education, i spend one day a week at a school working with a mentor teacher to get some experience and exposure under my belt. this quarter, i'm at a k-8 on the westside of cincinnati. and my mentor teacher is awesome. and my cohort (i'll get into that silly term later, i promise) buddy that i am placed with is AWESOME. and this kids are just amazing. i am working with k-3 kids right now and they are so cute! i love them. i love seeing them succeed and be happy and smile. i even love them when they are crazy and want to run through the halls all day. which happened three weeks ago. i am very lucky to have gotten into special education.

education is one of those things that i never thought i would do. my mom, my dad, and even my grandmother were all teachers. i always wanted to teach college, but i thought there would be no way you would catch me in a k-12 classroom. the best times of my life weren't spent in a school. i was very weird, shunned by most of the kids. i was a little too smart, a little too geeky, and a little too fey for the likes of cincinnati public schools. and kids can be so vicious. why would i want to go back and submit myself to more torture at the hands of school age kids again? now that i am older, and have kids of my own, i finally internalized what my parents and adults in my life were always trying to teach me: that what those other people think and say about you really doesn't matter. like at all. so these little kids can go all crazy and stuff or be mean to me, and you know what, i don't care. they don't know me; don't know who i am, so they really aren't lashing out at me, just a perception of someone they see. it has nothing to do with who i really am. now if i could just get that to apply to the rest of my life.

So, yeah.

So I gave in. I started looking at my Twitter account today, and set up a blog. We'll see if anyone really cares or not. But I thought, I have no time to talk to all of the people I love and enjoy. Hell, I barely speak to any of my friends on any consistent basis. It's one of those things that the little demon in my head likes to bring up at night when I'm trying to go to sleep -- when there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. Yeah, like I'll go and call him right now. Right. Whatever.

Anyway, here is my attempt to get myself out in the world a little bit.

I am definitely going to need to work on the layout of this little fucker. Can we talk about the unreadability of these typefaces. GRR.

So my car has been broken down for over a week now. Not too bad, as I can always borrow Alanna's car, and my dad lives with us, so I can borrow his as well. I went ahead and joined a car club, Better World. They are an economically conscious car club that lobbys for things like bike lanes, instead of against them. Anyway, I had to wait three days before it was active.

So I called this morning to get the car towed to my mechanics. I had already tried jumping the car and filling the tank. (I tend to run my car until empty before I fill it. It's a bad habit, I know). So the tow guy comes by, tries to turn the car over, then brings out this car-battery-jump-box thingy and the car starts. GRRR. So I feel like a total fool. All I needed was a new battery. So my dad took me to AutoZone and I replaced the battery within the hour. I should be happy that it wasn't more serious and all I had to pay for was a new battery. But, damn, I feel like a total fool. Part of me would like to be justified with a steep car bill. Oh well.

Today is one of those days that you have to write a list to keep on point. I am in graduate school full time, and by luck and a great mate, I don't have to work. This means I am home alone all day three days a week. Do you know how hard it is to stay focused like that. And because all but one class is online, I have to be in front of the computer all day. Ah the temptation of fails, facebook, and now you, oh blog.

But, of course, the simple act of writing down (or in this case using the task function in outlook), all that I had to do, I got through all but two of the ten items before noon. This is some kind of record for me. So next quarter, only one online class. This will help tremendously.

Only problem with this is the three classes are at night. Hey, I'm in graduate school, this is the norm. So I miss out on some family time two nights a week. But the sacrifice is worth it. I would much rather be in a class for a couple of hours than do twice the amount of work on my own time.